


Aftermath

by Hannah_ruth_990



Series: The Choice [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Caring Castiel, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Human Castiel, M/M, Mentioned Character Death, POV Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-20 18:45:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6020935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hannah_ruth_990/pseuds/Hannah_ruth_990
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean mentally goes over Sam’s letter, and decides to finally act on his feelings for Cas</p>
            </blockquote>





	Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> So I was able to post sooner than expected! So here it is … part 5!   
> The title for this one was hard to come up with so I settled for ‘Aftermath’ – because this is the aftermath from Dean reading Sam’s letter.   
> Hope you are all like this series so far.  
> The next update will be the final part to this fic, and should hopefully be up Wednesday night if all goes to plan.
> 
> Would love to hear your feedback on what you guys think!!   
> Feel free to comment, kudos and share :)

Dean can no longer see the words on the paper. Tears are openly flowing from his eyes as he struggles for air. He feels Cas wrap his arms around him, and then he just breaks. He falls into the man’s embrace and sobs uncontrollably. Cas just pulls him closer and begins to stroke his hair, muttering things like _“shh, it’s alright Dean, it’s alright”_ and _“I’m right here Dean, just let it out”._  He tries to focus on Cas’ words, but his mind jumps back to Sam’s letter, and just how wrong he was about what it could say. He was so afraid that his brothers’ final words to him would be full of regret and resentment. _Oh how wrong he was._

Sam’s letter was so full of love and honesty, that he thought his heart might just break from the words alone. Safe and cradled in Castiel’s arms, Dean lets the words sink into his memory, into his heart, as he slowly began to process what his little brother had written.

**_I_ _**f** you’re reading this letter, it means I didn’t make it out of this fight alive._ **

At first Dean was _pissed_. Sam had written this letter because some part of him _knew_ he wasn’t going to make it, and he _kept_ that from Dean. But as he mulled over it, he realised that _he_ would’ve kept it from Sam if he had had that same knowing feeling. He wouldn’t want to worry his little brother over a _feeling._ So he gets why Sam kept it quiet.

The next part of the letter had made Dean _mad_.

**_Please just let me stay dead._ **

He had almost torn the letter up there and then. Sam didn’t want Dean to try and save him. He wanted to stay dead, even though he didn’t know where he would end up. And that made his heart fucking _break_. He didn’t know where Sammy’s soul went after it destroyed Amara with the help of Cas’ grace. _He didn’t know where Sammy’s soul was._ He didn’t know if he would ever get to see his moose of a brother again, and god how that _fucking hurt._ He wondered if he could summon Crowley and some high ranking angel to see if they could tell him. He needed to know where Sam was.

**_I released the darkness on the world and if I have to die in the fight to lock it back up, well then so be it. I’ve made my peace with it,_ **

It was no secret that Sam took responsibility for the release of the darkness. But it wasn’t _solely_ his fault. They’d all had a part to play in its release, even Charlie. He knew that his brother and Cas carried that burden around with them, that it was one of the driving forces that had Castiel saying _yes_ to the devil. But _somewhere_ along the line, Sam had _accepted_ his part in the mess and was actually _okay_ with dying, if it meant righting his wrongs. Heh _true Winchester_ right there.

**_I just hope that one day you can too._ **

Dean honestly didn’t know if he’d ever be at peace with fact that Sam was okay with dying - _had died_ – to lock up a supernatural force that he helped release. He didn’t know, but part of him hoped that _one day_ he would be. He didn’t want Sam’s’ _selfless sacrifice_ to be something dark and bitter in his life. His brothers heroic last moments deserved to be remembered with something akin to pride.

He curls deeper into Castiel’s warm embrace as his mind begins to go through Sam’s final wishes.

**_Don’t try and bring me back. – It’s time to just let me go._ **

He’s pissed again, pissed that this is something his brother is 100% adamant on. He wants to ignore this first request. He wants to get in the Impala and drive straight to a cross roads and summon a demon and make a deal to bring his brother back. But going over Sammy’s words again, the fact that he mentioned this wish more than once, he realises that this is something that his baby brother _really_ wanted. He remembers how _angry_ and _betrayed_ Sam had been when Dean had tricked him into being possessed by Gadreel. Sam was ready to die, and Dean had taken that decision away from him, and it had driven a wedge between them. He can’t do that to him again. He _won’t_. As much as it hurts, and _god_ does it _hurt_ , he’s going to keep this promise. He owes it to Sam.

**_Get out of the life. It doesn’t have to be completely – you’re getting too old – it’s time for the next generation of hunters to take over._ **

This request actually makes him smile, because damn it Sammy just seemed to know Deans inner thoughts. His brother _knows_ that Dean could never give up hunting, not completely. But he also knew that Dean couldn’t keep on hunting full time for much longer. Truth was; he was tired. He was getting close to 40 and he’d seen _so much shit_ , that he just wanted to slow down and actually _live_ for once.

**_You have a bunker full of knowledge and monster lore, maybe set the hunter network back up or something._ **

He knew this was what Sam wanted to do if they ever retired from full time hunting. Man the kid loved research. He was such a nerd! A smile graces Deans face, and he knows that he’s going to do this. He’s going to set up a hunting network, like what Bobby had. There is so much knowledge of the supernatural in the bunker, and he knows how much it can help other hunters. The thought of research is not appealing, but Cas seems to enjoy it almost as much as Sam. Maybe Cas will want to help, he said he was going to stick around … didn’t he?

Thoughts of Cas bring him back to Sam’s requests, more specifically his _third_ and _final_ wish. With the amount of time spent on this _particular_ request, Dean knows that his brother really wanted this one to be followed.

**_My third request may be the most difficult for you, because it involves opening yourself up to feelings …_ **

Dean knew straight away what this was about. He doesn’t know how or when his brother figured it out, but the fact was that he had.

**_Don’t act so surprised that I know dude, I’m your brother … and I have eyes._ **

Dean had actually laughed at that. Sam knew, and what blew his mind, was that he actually wanted this for him. Apparently he’d known for a while, but being the amazing brother that he was, he let Dean filter through it on his own terms, and he was so thankful to him for that. He knows if Sam had come to him and tried to have a _serious_ conversation about it, he would’ve closed up and pushed _everything_ deep down and avoid _ever_ letting his mind go there.

**_You guys need to be there for each other because he’s going to be hurting as well, he was my friend too._ **

He knew that during his time as a knight of hell, Sam and Cas grew close. They’d lost Dean, and just when they got him back, the mark twisted and turned him into a dangerous, unstable asshole. He left them alone again, and he is so thankful that they had each other. He hates to think what would have happened to either one of them if they had no one to turn to.

Dean knows that Cas’ first run at being human, wasn’t pretty, and that it was _his_ fault. He’s carried that fucking guilt with him since he kicked newly human Cas out of the bunker. He knows Cas forgave him as soon as he found out about Gadreel, but he still felt like shit.

Cas is human again, and on top of that, his friend just died. The ex-angel is definitely going to be hurting, but this time, Dean is going to be there. He is going to explain things to Cas, teach him how to hunt so they can do it together. He’s going to hold him close if he has nightmares. He’s going to _be there_ this time.

**_Let him take care of you Dean, don’t push him away._ **

He’s done pushing Cas away, the guy is the only family he has left in the world.

His thoughts are interrupted as he feels a soft kiss placed gently on his head. Cas – beautiful fucking selfless ex-angel Castiel, is holding him close and running his fingers through Deans hair, and absolutely radiating love.

**_He loves you, you know that right? – embrace it_ **

Of course he knows. He’s known for some time now. How could he not know? Cas never tried to hide it, but never flaunted it either. He simply let his actions speak for his heart, and what a beautiful message it was. Dean had put everything together in purgatory after he’d found his angel. He’d finally come to terms with his own feelings for his best friend, and when Cas told him he ran to protect him, everything just seemed to click. How many times had Castiel put himself between Dean and danger? How many times had he chosen Dean over his fellow angels? _Everything_ he did, he did for humanity … for _Dean._

Shit hit the fan hard after purgatory, and everything was so crazy, that they both drifted apart. But somehow, by some miracle, they always found their way back to each other. Even though Cas never said it, Dean knew that _he_ was the reason the angel was able to break free from Naomi’s mind control.

His mind drifts away from the past memories and focuses back on to the present. Cas is still holding him, just letting himself be useful to Dean in any way he can. His hand is still running through his hair, and Dean lets himself melt into the touch. He lets out a content sigh and he honestly feels lighter.

Cas’ deep gravel voice breaks the silence. “Dean?”

Dean shifts, wrapping one arm around Castiel’s waist, and bringing the other up to caress his jaw. The light stubble tickles his fingers, and it’s honestly the best feeling ever. That is until he’s leaning in and pressing his lips to Cas’. He hears the man gasp and can’t help but smile against his lips. He tilts his head and captures the ex-angels lips again, and this time Cas responds in full. He feels the hand in his hair tighten as Cas’ other hand slides along his back. He can’t conceal the moan that escapes his lips. They’ve waited _years_ for this. Waited until the _exact_ moment where they would both be _free_ to _give in_ and just _be_.

The kiss isn’t rushed or heated; it’s soft, slow and _perfect._   In this moment, they both know without a doubt, that _this is it_ for them. That there will never be anyone else for Dean but _Castiel_ , and no one for Castiel but _Dean_.

Cas is the first to pull away, drawing a deep breath into his newly human lungs. His eyes remain closed as he rests his forehead against Deans. They remain like that for a while, simply breathing each other in and Dean lets his mind wander back to something very important mentioned in Sammy’s letter.

**_Ask him to stay._ **

He knows there was a bit more to it than that, _family, belonging, home._ But those four words are what focus in his mind because he’s wanted to ask for so _fucking_ long. And now he can, because now there is nothing pulling them apart.

Dean opens his eyes and nudges his nose against Cas’.

“Hey Cas?”

Blue eyes meet his and for a second he’s just lost. Lost in a sea made up of the most beautiful shades of cerulean blue. Dean takes a moment to mentally save this image into his mind, because Castiel is simply _breathtaking._ His lips are slightly swollen from the kiss and he’s got a soft, lazy smile on his face, and Dean vows then and there that he’s going to make the man smile more, because it really is a beautiful sight.

**_Ask him to stay. Tell him you need him._ **

The words ring through his head again. He licks his lips and smiles when he catches Cas tracking the movement.

“Cas …” it’s barely a whisper, but he knows it’s been heard when Cas meets his eyes again. He swallows around the lump in his throat, suddenly nervous, and prays to whatever god that’s out there, that Cas understands _exactly_ what he’s trying to say. “I need you Cas. Stay”

And Castiel _does_ understand. Dean watches his angels face flood with _understanding_ , _belonging_ , _home_ and _love._ He sees tears begin to fall down his face and even when crying, Castiel is beautiful. He brings both his hands to cup Cas’ face, then leans in and kisses those soft, chapped lips. He pulls away slowly, using his thumbs to gently wipe away the tears that linger.

Cas brings his hands up to rest on Deans wrists and says everything that Deans ever longed to hear.

“I love you too Dean. Of course I’ll stay”

 

**_You deserve happiness_ **

_Sammy, I think I’ve finally found it_

 

 

 


End file.
